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2003-06-09 9:48 a.m. |
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the number one reason why i don't like to vent when i'm depressed is that i know that when i feel normal, the same things won't bother me in the slightest. and if i say them while depressed, they're out there. hanging around in the air. and nothing is better and nothing is worse. they're just there. lately i've been thinking alot about not feeling well. stupid lesions like to come back when they are least wanted. or most wanted. same damn thing. i fucking hate them. 3 months of feeling like shit and then a wonderful week of feeling mostly normal and 4 days of feeling absolutely fine and now i'm back to feeling like crap again. but there's nothing wrong with me. i've had unexplainable headaches lately, too. i'm blaming them on the cousin's new girlie because her perfume permeates everything when she's here. but i don't think that would account for the 12.5 hours of lucid dreaming the other night. 12.5 hours of sleep! i don't remember ever sleeping that much. tonight is Pearl Jam. I've been waiting for this for about 4 months now. but the boy isn't going and that just plain sucks. i don't know if i would have bought myself a ticket if i'd known that he wouldn't be able to go. i doubt it. there wouldn't have been a point. i know this isn't the only time we'd have a chance to go to a concert together but it's the only chance right now. i can't afford anything fun at the moment and he can't either. so... sew buttons. upon reviewing my finances, it doesn't look like the sewing machine is going to be purchased this month either. i think i'll borrow my mom's and just make do. i can then afford to pay off everything this month and i'll be down 2 bills soon anyways. 200 dollars a month that i won't have to spend. so i'm sure that will go to the computer. gah. stupid Gateway finally called me after months of not sending me bills. i tried to make some payments several months ago but i'm not sure whether they accepted them and they never sent me any more statements. now, i'm sure they want the total amount or nothing. i guess they'll get nothing. bwahahah. i think i'll wait till i actually have a lil money i can send them before i call them back. i hate the 'i'll send you what i have, when i have it' conversation. blah. nothing else to say. i'm bored and boring. nicole and i have this great scheme. ourselves and our boys need to save up as much moneys a year as humanly possible and then in 10 years, we can move to Costa Rica and live like phat kings and queens. if that dream doesn't look like it'll come true, the noikle and i are at least going to head down there for a lil vacation.
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.p.r.o.l.o.g.u.e.
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2005-03-12 - 2005-03-12 |
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